I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize