Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i think my cat just said my name.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize