Got a toothbrush?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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