i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize