my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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