I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
