Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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