Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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