YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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