I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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