My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
