Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
