Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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