The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
