You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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