He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
