PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
is that a dick in a sweater?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
