Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
