shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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