somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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