Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
