I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
