it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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