I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
