I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
