So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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