sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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