...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
