I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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