they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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