He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
