i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
