Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
