i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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