I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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