My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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