There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
