dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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