I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
