I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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