im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So much rum. So many feels.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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