you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
