i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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