There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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