just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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