I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
