By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
