Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
