Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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