i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
