When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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