At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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