it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
