Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
