I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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