youre lurking in front of me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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