Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
