I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
