well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
