please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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