My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
