I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
