I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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