Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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