I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
