We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
