he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
