you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My ATM looks so different sober.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You made out with two different species that night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
